Hellooooooowwwwwww.

I'm, alaaaiiiivvvveeeeee.

Whats going on in my life now? The major exams done, and the wave of much awaited and needed holidays has just hit me after my trip to the amaaaaaazingg Penang island. Its like, wake up at 8 like I always do; an incredible effort, and go, " What the heck! " And sink back blissfully in the pillows and sleep for 2 more hours.

And as the flurry of events rush by, I did some so called, Introspection these few days.

Its no big deal. Like, typical teenage stuff.....D'awwhhh imma go ahead anyways.

Erm, as a Christian, you put God into your life right. You see Him in your life, you put Him in every decision... and so on. Right now, I'm just wondering and pondering and being veryvery confused of His decision, in my life.

I am first talking about this- yknow, HIM, a special person, to me. Yknow, the one when he texts after an agony of 3-5 mins or so, you grab your phone as efficiently as a ninja, or you breathe and calmly slowly take the phone into your hands and say, "No big deal." and read it greedily. 

Its like this. I'm not going to analyze on what happened, what's going on, but, WHY? Why is he in my life, so perfectly planned, as though

As though he's like the one. It still aches a little. Typing that.

I could've just go on perfectly without, only to have him here and gone (as in gone-no chance and really, gone away and probably come back once in a while) and see things change in me.

I think its really mean saying I wish I never met him. But Logic is nodding its head as I think. 

Oh, I don't know.

I have talked to a friend last month, and she is a comfort because she share this same thought: Don't love if you have not a purpose/reason(s) for it. In terms of a romantic relationship of course. I think we've guarded our hearts over stuff like this, that we simply cannot just give it away. I know that a lot of people say, Love does not need a reason, it defines logic... But to me that's just plain irresponsible. If you really love someone you've gotta be in charge of yourself first right? You cannot be this pile of emotions that are in a flurry, be in a whirlwind of passion with someone you, love. See I even think love is a word too casually used. I asked the most responsible girl I've ever met, and she shrugged at me when I asked, " How dyou know you love someone? "

I'm not talking about loving logically, responsibly. I'm talking about real, real, love.

How dyou know your love is real?